


ghost of the past (going up, up, up)

by SquawksOfWisdom



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Saeran from secret endings, and i havent written in x reader format in a long ass time damn, and reader as assistant, anyway this was for Saeran Week Day 6, but this got so far away from me, deep talks, getting better, mc and reader are different, rip anyway enjoy, saeran choi week, saeran choi week 2018, tw mentions of drug use, tw mild descriptions of panic attack(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 09:56:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14913209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquawksOfWisdom/pseuds/SquawksOfWisdom
Summary: [Saeran Choi Week 2018 Day 6|Afterendings]Continuing from the secret endings...A year. A year had passed since the incident and things are different now, except when they aren't. So maybe it's time for Saeran to discover who he really is under the haze of elixir and cult fanaticism...





	ghost of the past (going up, up, up)

**Author's Note:**

> Written on Microsoft Word so some stuff couldn't transfer over [fonts], you can read PDF here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Sj5nx8NoAm8ZuftFd_op-CyoHus67mLy/view?usp=sharing

**Day 6 – Afterendings**

            _“You’ll have to come with us.”_

_You lifted your head, wordlessly staring at the man in black._

_Was it time?_

_The man took a step forward, his stance offensive and wary._

_“You have 3 seconds to surrender.”_

_Hmm, you weren’t immediately apprehended. Maybe it was because you didn’t look like a believer…?_

_You raised your hands just as he moved to rush you._

**_Time’s Up_ **

****

_Can’t say you regret this much._

_The grip on your arms were rough as he pushed you towards the exit._

_Your walk was silent save for the one question you had on your mind._

_“Hey, have you seen a guy with white hair, a red shirt, a black jacket, and a tattoo of an eye on his right arm?”_

_The man remained silent._

_Accepting his response, you turned your attention back forward and sat on the seat you were pushed into._

 

 

            The crisp spring air playfully nipped the noses of those staying outside on the streets, traces of winter still trailing in its wake.

            Though the wind ran wildly on the ground above, it was absent in the underground.

            The waiting areas weren’t as crowded as it usually would be and that was something he could be thankful about. It’s around… eight, maybe?

            The young man brought his phone out of his pocket, golden eyes dully checking the time as he did.

            It’d be a couple more minutes before his train arrived.

            Huffing in boredom, he moved to adjust his scarf further up his face. Though there was no wind in the underground, it was still just as cold.

            His phone buzzed in his hand.

 

**_8:06_ **

_Hey, has the train arrived yet?_

 

            Another huff, though this time it’s a mix of annoyance with underlying affection.

 

**_8:06_ **

_It leaves 8:15, you know this._

**_8:07_ **

_Just looking out for my bro! Since it’s gonna take a while, wanna talk?_

**_8:07_ **

_I’m fine._

**_8:07_ **

_Okay~_

**_8:07_ **

_If you need anything just call!_

**_8:07_ **

_[image sent]_

            He felt his lips quirk into a ghost of a smile despite himself.

            It had been a year since the incident, and while their relationship still wasn’t the best, it’s definitely better than when they had first started out.

            His lips turned into a frown at that thought.

            With one last check at the time, he closed the texting app and started swiping around on his phone. He needed to do _something_ while waiting.

 

 

**_Hoegi Station, Line 1- Hoegi Station, Line 1- Please stay clear of the doors_ **

 

            The train doors opened smoothly with a ringing sound- _ting ting ting!_ \- and as a group of people left, more people came in.

            The middle-aged woman sitting to his right had been one of the people to leave.

            It had already been around 30 minutes since he first boarded the train in Seoul and it was only recently that his phone buzzed with the alert of a new chatroom.

            Having a lack of better things to do, he joined in.

 

~~~

**_Saeran has entered the chatroom_ **

**_Yoosung_ **

_..?_

**_Yoosung_ **

_Oh! Saeran! How’s the trip?_

**_Yoosung_ **

_[Happy emoji]_

 

**_Saeran_ **

_It’s been 30 minutes_

**_Saeyoung_ **

_I got it! He’s at Hoegi station!_

**_Saeran_ **

_…_

**_Saeran_ **

_Idiot brother_

**_Saeyoung_ **

_Ugh…_

**_Saeyoung_ **

_[Crying emoji]_

~~~

            He huffed in amusement.

            A sharp gasp reeled him back to the present and his mouth glued shut as his widened eyes stared into a familiar pair.

 

 

 

            You were having a pretty nice day that spring.

            It had been a year since the incident.

            Since you had been put into therapy, been deemed a human suitable for society once more, and released into the cold Seoul streets.

            The entire incident with the Mint Eye was so bizarre you would’ve convinced yourself it was a dream had it not been for the physical evidence.

            And now…. One of those evidences sat right in front of you, in the form of an unfamiliar set of gold orbs, scarlet red hair, and a warm brown coat.

            You hadn’t recognized him at first- what without the bleached hair, pink tips, and mint eyes- and had instead thought him to be his brother Agent 707.

            But when you had gotten closer- contemplating whether to give a simple greeting or not- your mind immediately realized that _no_ this was _not_ the peppy, eccentric twin but the _broody_ , _sensitive_ twin and once it clicked into place you panicked.

            Fully intending to gear your course to a seat _far away_ from the man, your body betrayed you in the process.

            You gasped.

_“Oh, fucker.”  
_

            When your eyes connected, you knew this was about to get really awkward- not unless the two of you worked through this like the adults you were _or_ unless you immediately walk away and act as if nothing happened.

            The both of you were silent for some time, your mouth shut about as firmly as his were until a sound broke the silence.

 

**_Please keep your hands and feet away from the door. Now leaving for Sangbong station._ **

 

            Startled, and more than just a little bit flustered, you quickly looked around before settling on the nearest seat convenient to you.

            Which just so happened to be the one next to _him_.

            When your mind finally caught up to _where_ exactly you were seated, you wanted to bash your head against the window.

            Hm… That could be arranged.

            Your eyes zone in on a colorful screen below and your mind barely registers the colors- _green, grey, red, brown_ \- before its pitch black.

            Your head immediately snaps up to meet the troubled look on his face and it clicks.

            _“Ah, that must’ve been the messenger.”_

Feeling like you’d intruded on a place you shouldn’t have, you turn your head and shuffle away. Well, as much as you could on a crowded train, anyway.

 

..

 

            It’s awkward.

            You don’t want it to be this way, but it’s awkward.

            A few minutes had passed since the two of you reunited and the both of you were prompt on figuring out what to do. In other words, the two of you have been studiously ignoring each other.

            You fiddled with your phone, dragging your fingers over the sides- a nervous habit of yours.

            Noticing that he was watching the motion, you still your hands and sigh, looking away with a troubled expression that mirrors the one he had on before. Boy does this bring back memories.

            You were at a loss of what to do, what _do_ you do when you meet your kidnapper/cult boss?

            You bite your lip in thought before remembering something your therapist told you.

            Maybe… You shouldn’t be running from this opportunity.

            Though you open your mouth to speak, you find that you have no words to say. It’s just as awkward as before.

            What do you say to a person you’ve been with for, say, a month? What do you say to a person you’d met under, quite possibly, one of the worse situations ever? What do you tell the person who kidnapped you, drugged you, and made you work on the same kidnapping/drugging mission he was working on?

            What words are there to say?

 

            “Hey.”

            He turns to you, a startled look on his face and you hope that all the apprehension you feel in this one moment doesn’t show on your face.

            “How have you been?”

            Maybe that was the wrong question to ask, you know how bad he was before, but other than your simple need for a conversation starter… How _was_ he?

            Last you had seen him he was shaking, going mad from his feelings of rage and betrayal that the savior would even let Agent 707 into his beloved paradise before leaving in a flurry of stomps and ragged breaths.

            It wasn’t a good exit, and you can’t say you expected it to be the last time you ever saw him either.

            Until today, that is.

            It’s clear that he isn’t sure how to respond and a part of you wishes to stop talking- no, demands that you stop speaking. Stomping and screaming and banging demanding.

            But you spent who knows how long in that hell hole they called a paradise and you’d be damned if this is where you crumbled now. Not in front of the person who started this all for you.

            Leaning back in your seat, you gave him a weak smile with the aura of a person who had been through hell and back and was visiting its old haunt.

            His lips press together into a thin line _(ah, that’s a familiar look-)_ and his apprehension is clear in his eyes.

            “Better…”

            The weak laugh- tinged with a bit of- what was it, relief?- that escaped your mouth is involuntary.

            “Good. That’s good..”

 

 

 

            It’s been around 30 minutes since you last talked, and though you’ve been doing your own thing to pass the time, you really can’t help but notice how much he’s changed.

            It’d be impossible not to.

            His entire character has changed- from the perpetually drugged state to a more stable state. _Definitely_ a more stable state.

            He logged into chatrooms from time to time but he mainly used his phone for games. Simple rhythm games, piano tiles, and the like.

            When the train announced the next station, he shuffled and a feeling of fear spiked your heart.

            It wasn’t a fear of his sudden movement, no. It was a fear of losing your chance.

            “Uh,” You suddenly say and he turns to you. “Where are you heading to?”

            He regards you with a raised eyebrow.

            “Gapyeong-gun.”

            You couldn’t hide the surprise from your expression even if you tried.

            “What?” He finally asks, a slightly exasperated expression on his face.

            The only reason you stayed surprised for a moment longer than you usually would have was because he had actually spoken to you first.

            “I’m going there too.” You admit and surprise briefly fleets through his eyes.

            “I’m visiting a garden. A friend recommended it. The Garden of Morning Calm.” You answered and when he shot you a questioning look, you gave a small smile.

            “You looked curious.”

            The troubled look came back to his face.

            “Why are you talking to me?”

            Amidst the busy train and closing doors, your smile dropped as a solemn, contemplative look replaced it.

            He’s about to turn away when you speak.

            “I think it’s good.”

            His expression is both questioning and wary. You elaborate.

            “It’s better to be honest so I’ll just say what I’m trying to do,” his expression doesn’t change. “We met under the worst situation possible. It was absolutely shitty having to go and… be your assistant.”

            Your voice grew softer towards the end as his hand tightly gripped his phone- an action you did not miss.

            “But.. it wasn’t all that bad and…” You sigh, nervously running a hand through your hair. “…I was actually concerned for you, you know.”

            His face shows surprise as you laugh weakly.

            “Not like I could just tell you though, you weren’t..” Your face twists as you look for the right word to say. “..exactly the most _stable_ person around. Hell, sometimes I think _I_ was the most stable person in whole the damn place.”

            “So the reason is…?”

            Your head snaps back to his blank look. It takes a moment for you to realize what he means.

            “I won’t run anymore.”

            “It’s.. pretty bad to have met you again like this, but I won’t run. If it means making peace with what happened then… I’ll do it. As long as you’re okay with it.”

            If possible, his face became steelier than before. His eyes search yours- for what, you don’t know. But you owe it to him to look at him head on, to look him in the eye with nothing but the truth.

            No lies, just honesty.

            After it feels like he’s searched every corner of your face for a hint of a lie, his face turns silently contemplative.

            “The Garden of Morning Calm.”

            You blink in surprise.

            “Huh? Yeah, that’s where I’m going.”

            He gives you another exasperated look.

            “…That’s where I’m going too.”

            He watched you stare blankly back at him before it clicks, and your eyes light up.

            …Maybe he really did choose candidates who were alike, after all.

            You’re silent, but definitely happy about the news.

            Instead of speaking, you give him a grateful smile.

            “Thanks.”

            He frowns at you before looking away.

            “Mmh.”

            You’ll take that response any day.

 

 

 

            Saeran flipped his phone upwards, clicked the power button, and a wall of texts immediately covered his screen.

           

**_8:32_ **

_Bro? You suddenly left the chatroom, what’s wrong?_

**_8:36_ **

_….?_

**_8:36_ **

_Saeran?_

**_8:42_ **

_Saeran?!_

**_8:45_ **

_Saeran I swear to god you better be okay_

**_8:46_ **

_PLEASE BE OKAY_

**_8:52_ **

_SAERAN IF SOMETHING’S WRONG SEND ME A SIGNAL, ANYTHING_

**_8:53_ **

_TELL ME YOU’RE OKAY_

More messages followed under it, but Saeyoung wasn’t the only one he had gotten texts from.

 

**_MC >> 8:43_ **

_Saeran? Saeyoung says you haven’t replied, is anything wrong?_

**_MC >> 8:47_ **

_…?? Saeran?_

**_MC >> 8:52_ **

_Oh god, you better be okay_

**_MC >> 8:52_ **

_Please be okay_

**_Yoosung Kim >> 8:42_ **

_Uh… Saeran? Your brother’s kind of freaking out…_

**_Yoosung Kim >> 8:43_ **

_I hope you aren’t in any trouble but please reply to him…_

**_Hyun Ryu >> 8:43_ **

_We don’t talk much but Saeyoung’s looking for you… Hope you reply soon._

**_Jaehee Kang >> 8:43_ **

_Saeran, your brother has been quite frazzled about your absence._

**_Jaehee Kang >> 8:43_ **

_I do hope you are well.._

            He huffs a sigh but quickly starts clicking through messages before stopping on Saeyoung. His fingers deftly type out a response.

**_9:23_ **

_I’m okay._

            He set his phone down.

**_*BEEP*_ **

            An immediate response.

**_9:23_ **

_OH THANK GOD YOU’RE OKAY_

**_8:24_ **

_WHY WEREN’T YOU REPLYING?_

**_9:24_ **

_Got caught up in something. I’m okay._

**_9:24_ **

_…Okay._

**_9:24_ **

_As long as you promise you’re okay._

**_9:24_ **

_You can tell me anything, you know that right?_

            His fingers, which had been poised to reply, slow to a halt. He stares at the messages’ blinking cursor, background empty of words, before finally responding.

**_9:25_ **

_..Yeah._

**_8:26_ **

_Thanks._

**_9:26_ **

_Stay safe…_

            Saeran stared at the blank screen of his phone for a moment longer before shifting his gaze towards you.

            You held a book in your hands, the title ‘ _Love & Gelato_’ written across the front cover as he regarded you silently with interest.

            According to the data he’d collected on you a long time ago, you weren’t really the type to read books. You read a lot but rarely ever on books anymore, much preferring its convenient electronic counterpart.

            But things can change a lot in a year.

 

 

**_Gapyeong Station- Gapyeong Station- Please stay clear of the doors_ **

 

            The woman’s electronic voice filled the cabin as you and Saeran stood up, the backpacks serving as your luggage already on your backs.

            Saeran watched as a couple more people shuffled towards the door. By the time the train stopped, they had already gathered around it.

            The train gave its mechanical warning before the doors opened and people walked out, though the both of you stayed at the back of the crowd, none too fond of being pushed around.

            “Are you going somewhere first or straight to the garden?” Your sudden question surprises him and he regards you for a moment before turning back forward.

            “Straight to the garden.” He answers and you nod your head.

            The two of briefly discuss a plan to get to the garden _(_ _“I plan on using the_ _Gapyeong City Tour Bus.”)_ and after a while of waiting, the bus finally arrived and the both of you boarded.

            Just then, Saeran’s phone buzzed with a notification.

            Looking down at the device, he swiped his phone open and entered the chatroom. Kind of hard not to when its title was ‘ _Saeran’s safe!_ ’.

 

~~~

**_Saeyoung has entered the chatroom_ **

**_Yoosung has entered the chatroom_ **

****

**_Yoosung_ **

_Oh! Saeyoung, you got a hold of Saeran?_

**_Saeran has entered the chatroom_ **

**_Saeyoung_ **

_Yup! Lolol_

**_Saeyoung_ **

_Ohhhhh!!_

**_Saeyoung_ **

_If it isn’t the man of the hour!! ✨✨✨  
_

**_Saeran_ **

_…_

**_Saeran_ **

_Saeyoung_

 

**_Saeran_ **

_Was this necessary?_

**_Saeyoung_ **

_Of course it was! What if the others wanted to know if you’re okay too?_

**_ZEN has entered the chatroom_ **

**_Yoosung_ **

_Oh, welcome ZEN!_

**_ZEN_ **

_Hi hi ^^_

**_ZEN_ **

_Saeyoung was really worried earlier, what happened Saeran?_

**_Yoosung_ **

_I was about to ask too!!_

**_Saeran_ **

_._

**_Saeran_ **

_Met someone unexpected_

**_Saeran_ **

_Had to close the chat_

**_Yoosung_ **

_Unexpected?_

**_Saeyoung_ **

_..They wouldn’t happen to have been part of the Mint Eye before were they?_

**_ZEN_ **

_[curious emoji]_

**_ZEN_ **

_Huh? For real?_

**_Saeran_ **

_…_

**_Yoosung_ **

_[shocked emoji]_

**_ZEN_ **

_[shocked emoji]_

**_Yoosung_ **

_No way!!_

**_Saeran_ **

_It’s fine._

**_Saeran_ **

_They didn’t join because they wanted to anyway_

**_Saeyoung_ **

_…_

**_Saeran_ **

_Call later_

**_ZEN_ **

_So they were forced to join?_

**_Saeran_ **

_..yeah._

**_Yoosung_ **

_Ah man;;;;_

**_Yoosung_ **

_That must’ve been terrible for them;;_

**_ZEN_ **

_Yoosung!_

**_Yoosung_ **

_Ah! No offense Saeran!_

**_Saeran_ **

_It’s fine_

~~~

_“It was my fault anyway.”_ He thought, fingers gripping the phone in a vice-like grip.

            “Hey..” The hold on his phone loosened as he turned to look at you. “You okay?”

            He stared at your concerned face before nodding his head.

            “Yeah…”

            You gave him another concerned look before turning back to your book.

            He stared a moment longer before turning back to his phone.

 

~~~

**_Saeran_ **

_Going_

**_Yoosung_ **

_Ah…_

**_ZEN_ **

_Bye_

**_Saeyoung_ **

_Be safe_

**_Saeran_ **

_…yeah_

**_Saeran has left the chatroom_ **

~~~

 

            Saeran sighed and leaned back in his chair, his eyes closed in exhaustion before you spoke.

            “Why The Garden of Morning Calm?”

            He raised an eyebrow, opening his eyes to give you a weird look.

            “What do you mean?”

            You gave a small smile, putting your book down on your lap.

            “Did you choose it yourself? Or…”

            He continued to give you a weird look and you sighed.

            “Or did someone else choose for you?”

            He pretended not to hear you grumble, “ _No one ever picks up on the or part…_ ”

            “Saeyoung chose it.”

            You give him a curious look.

            “Saeyoung?” You receive no response and you’re left to wonder. “Oh! Do you mean.. Agent 707..?”

            Your voice grew softer towards the end and you carefully watched as he gripped his phone once again, a frown settling onto his features.

            “…right.” You say, running your thumb across the page you’re on.

            “It was my friend who chose it for me, actually.” He makes no response. “She’d been there before and she said it was really beautiful. She thought that it’d… help. So… here I am.”

            Silence reigned as the bus rumbled through smooth Gapyeong streets. Words came sparsely between the two of you, and now there were no words to fill the gap.

            So you returned to reading.

           

            “How often do you plan on meeting.”

            “Huh?” you blink as you turned to him. He thinks of how such an open expression has no business being on your face around him.

            “You said you won’t run anymore. How often do you plan on hanging around me?”

            You continue to stare at him before turning your gaze to the ground, afraid that it’d annoy him.

            “Uh.. how much will you allow me?” You ask and he frowns, giving you a calculating look.

            “Anytime in the garden.” He finally answers and you rub your thumb across your book.

            “Okay well… I don’t think I’ll be with you the whole time, but would you mind if we went together to see the stuff we want to see?” You ask and his face regards you seriously once again.

            It’s hard, especially when he looks… exactly the way he does now, but you can’t back down. This is something you _have_ to do.

            “Fine.”

            You give him a grateful smile full of relief. You only hope the depth of your gratitude reaches him.

            “Thank you.”

            “Hm.”

 

 

***Beep… Beep… Beep…***

**“Saeran? Is it safe?”**

            Saeran sighed, leaning against the wall as he looked at the sky.

            “Yes, it’s fine.”

            **“Are you still with the member?”**

            “…”

            **“Saeran?”**

“…We’ve come to an arrangement.”

            **“?! What do you mean?!”**

            “Don’t worry about it, idiot brother. Nothing bad.”

            **“Saeran-ah…”**

            “It’s fine. I told you already.”

            **“…”**

**“Is it someone I know?”**

He paused and there was silence on the other end as well.

            “No.. Not anyone you know.”          

            **“…Promise you’ll stay safe.”**

“…”

            **“…”**

“…Okay.”

            **“Thank you…”**

            “I’m going now.”

            **“Okay, stay safe!!”**

           

            A chilly, spring breeze blew by just as he ended the call and Saeran inhaled deeply in hopes that maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to keep the warmth of spring in his heart this way.

            Just then, you finally left the bathroom.

            “Thanks for waiting.” You say and he gives you nothing more than a nod.

            You only realized just how big the entire garden was after acquiring a map by the Ticket Office. A highly ambitious person would have to create a plan if they wanted to see the garden in its entirety.

            Vibrant green stretches as far as the eye can see and you feel your heart jump in excitement. Your friend had such high praise for the place and you couldn’t wait to discover it for yourself.

 

            One

                        Two

                                    Three

 

            Stop.

            _Breathless_.

            The garden is every bit as beautiful as its name suggests.

 

            Your eyes struggle to take in the vibrant colors- flowers ranging from purple to yellow scatter the fields in organized patterns and tall trees line the path, some dyed different colors by nature’s will.

            The air is crisp and vegetation greets your vision whichever way you look. You feel free, in a way, from how spacious the entire place is.

            Like you have a million possibilities waiting to be tested.

            And it’s _gorgeous_.

 

            You don’t know how long you stand and stare at the plants for, but when you turn to look for him your breath catches.

            He’d stopped just a bit before you with an expression you’d never thought you’d see on his face, let alone one you thought he could manage.

            His face is open, with an awe-struck expression and mouth slightly agape. But none compared to his eyes- wide and limpid, the clearest you’ve ever seen a pair of eyes look as countless emotions mixed in them.

            As his eyes took in the scene- _savoring_ what he sees, you think about the color of his eyes. A bright, shiny gold, untarnished by wear and chemicals. Polished and sparkling.

            You’ve never seen a color quite like it.

 

            His feet slowly start moving forward, his attention solely on the flowers as he moves and you finally look away to admire the same view he’s stuck on.

            You follow as he stops right between flowers and trees in the path and listen as he takes a deep breath- and if a breath could sound liberated, he managed it.

            Like he was _truly breathing_ for the first time in his life.

            Movement in your peripheral urges you to turn and watch as his head lifts to the sky, basking in what he sees. Your eyes move skyward as his does and the clouds were tinted gray as if it was about to rain.

            Clouds of gray and white colors drift by, some even in funny shapes as they gather and decorate the sky.

            Your eyes follow as he slowly raises an arm to the sky, a reverent breath leaving him once his palm had reached it.

            Though his eyes are no longer visible, you’re sure that it’d grown wider than you had last seen, taking in everything he could possibly see and for some reason, you’re glad.

            You’re not sure how to feel when you see those expressions on his face.

            You turn your attention back to the plants, and they’re just as vibrant and beautiful as before, urging you to touch them.

            Just as you’d reached a hand out to touch a tree’s delicate leaf, you heard his breath catch and you freeze, wide eyes swirling around to meet his.

            His hand had returned to his side and his open expression slowly crumples, locking back down to its closed state. He makes a face, most likely due to the fact that you’d seen him in that state, but your eyes catch his attention.

            You seemed to have stopped breathing when your eyes met his and he isn’t sure if it’s connected to the same emotion he sees in your eyes or not.

            Though he knows that emotion…

            Unnerved, he looks away.

           

            You watch, breath still caught in your throat as he surveys his surroundings before moving forward, steps long and hurried.

            It’s only when he turns the bend that your breath finally leaves you. Your breathing is erratic as you place your hand on the pavement. The texture of smooth cement grounds you albeit, makes you feel the tiny rocks and dust that cling to the floor as people pass and kick it around.

            You’re fine.

            You’re _safe_.

 

 

You catch up to him in the Wild Flower Garden.

            You find him standing by a short, stone wall, staring at a patch of white flowers with a gaze that’s barely there.

            When you approach him, you find what it is he’s looking at.

            ‘It’ is a cute, circular, white flower that hangs off its stem. It looks like it was plucked out of a fairy tale, and reminds you of Spanish bluebells.

            “Lily of the valley.”

            His voice startles you from your observation. You turn to look at him though his eyes remain on the flowers.

            “Woodland flowers, meaning ‘Promise of Happiness’.” His voice is soft when he speaks, so you’re surprised when his face scrunches up and he clenches his fist. “ _Highly_ _poisonous_.”

            The last words are spoken with a hiss before he turns and walks away. You’re left staring curiously and worriedly at his back before you turn your attention back to the small, innocent-looking flower.

            “Happiness, huh..” You mutter to yourself, sparing the flower one last look before hurrying after the man.

 

 

 

            “Red Hibiscus, love and passion.”

            “Rose of Sharon, Consumed by Love.”

            “Yellow Tulip, Hopeless Love.”

            “Narcissus, Egoism and Narcissism.”

            “Daffodil, New Beginnings.”

            “You seem to know a lot about flowers…”

            His eyes turn to you at the sound of your quiet voice, afraid that you’d disturb him.

            He’d been naming flowers and their meanings for the past 15 minutes and you honestly didn’t know if he was talking to you or to himself.

            He turns away soon enough and his only reply is a grunt.

            “Do you like flowers?” Your question is met by silence and when you look over, his face is devoid of emotion. So you turn to look at the flowers instead.

            “It’s actually pretty cool that you know their meanings.” You mumble quietly.

            “Do you say that to every man you meet?” His rough questioning makes you turn to look at him. His eyes are furrowed, mouth set into a grave frown.

            You frown back at him, expression mildly confused and questioning.

            “No, what makes you say that?”

            He gives you one last calculating look before turning his attention back to the road.

            “You better watch what you say and who you say it to.”

            “You don’t like being complimented.” You say quietly, and his mouth purses into a thin line.

            He resolutely avoids your gaze, making you frown.

            “Do you have a favorite flower?”

            Your question is ignored once again.

 

 

            Though you had essentially spent the whole day with your former boss, he remained tight-lipped after the whole incident with the lily of the valley.

            The two of you wordlessly split your ways dawn 4 pm in the afternoon and you hadn’t seen him since, which was to be expected as the two of you made no further communication about future meetings. You didn’t even exchange numbers.

            The garden was absolutely gorgeous and while the company definitely could have been better, you could say that you enjoyed yourself today.

            Except… you couldn’t go to sleep.

 

            Staring restlessly at the time on your phone, you couldn’t help the sigh that escaped you when your phone automatically closed on itself. It was... what, 10 PM by now?

            You usually didn’t have trouble going to sleep, but today had been a particularly stressful day and after staying in bed for a few more minutes, you groaned and accepted defeat.

            If you weren’t getting any sleep then you might as well do something that wasn’t laying down in bed.

 

 

 

            Okay so admittedly, drinking inside an alley is a _bad_ idea. No, it’s a _terrible_ idea and if your friend could see you now, she’d probably kick your ass to the moon and back.

            The alley definitely isn’t the safest, but it’s the only place you really feel like being at the moment which was saying something.

            Ah well, might as well kick back the liquor since you were already here. You’ve got your pepper spray on you, right?

            You reached into your jacket, hand feeling around for the spray when you smell it.

            Cigarette smoke.

 

            “ _Okay, so it’s cool, this is fine. It’s either a) a person is having a random smoke, person may or may not be a thug, b) a person is having a smoke, maybe it’s a decent person? Or c)-_ “ A noise. _“-SOME RANDOM PERSON IS HAVING A SMOKE AND DAMN I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA THIS BETTER NOT BE A THUG._ ”

            Internally screaming, you grabbed your drinks but bumped into the dirty, alley wall in your hurry to leave. Exceptionally loud.

            Just as you were thinking of how gross the alley wall is, they’re here.

            Cigarette smoker person. (Damn they’re fast.)

            “What are you doing here?” Their voice is low and kind of rough.

            You hesitate to turn to them. (But then you think that maybe hesitating could give them the opportunity to get you)

            “ _Oh fuck, I hope it’s just a well meaning person and not an actual thug, right? I mean they don’t sound that bad they- wait. Did they say ‘you’?_ ”

            When you finally turn you don’t what to say. Except now you have the deadest expression possible directed towards the man.

            “Fuck, it’s only you.” You sigh, pressing a hand to your forehead. “I thought it was an actual threat.”

            He raises an eyebrow and you purposely dismiss any thoughts reminding you that this was your _former_ _cult boss_ you’re talking to, he can very much be a threat.

            Besides, he’s probably somewhere in the air at the moment.

            …

            You decide not to think about how that might make him a more violent person.

            Well you’re not alone anymore so the chances of getting attacked are marginally smaller so… Hooray..?

            Fuck it, you’re here anyway, your former cult boss is here, he’s _smoking_ , there’s nothing stopping you from having a drink right here, right now.

            So you bend down and grab a drink, popping the bottle cap off with the opener your key holder had.

            He doesn’t know if he’s supposed to react to the fact that after proclaiming he wasn’t a threat, you immediately started drinking.

            …Man, are you guys fucked up or what?

            Three gulps and an exhale later, he finally notices the words on your drink.

 

            “…vodka?”

            His voice, if you knew any better, sounded mildly amused.

            You turn to him and raise a brow.

            “..Yeah?”

            He raised an eyebrow back.

            “…Didn’t know you were a hard drinker.”

            You huff a laugh, a light smile (smirk?) on your lips.

            “I’m not. It’s 6%, lime flavored. Tastes more like apple juice though.”

            His only response is to lower his eyebrow.

            You return to companionable silence. (When did it get companionable?)

            Another swish of your drink.

            “You smoke often?”

            He hums in reply. A gray cloud leaves his mouth.

            “Not as often as I used to.”

            You nod your head in understanding. When you still ‘worked’ in Mint Eye you’d find cigarette butts scattered randomly around his office. They would be outside more often than not but the ones you found in the office tipped you off on who it was.

            “Speaking of,” You say, and he turns to you with slight interest. “Do you mind _not_ exhaling in my direction? I don’t like the smell and I’m not really looking forward to any lung or heart disease of any kind.”

            He shot you a look before switching his cigarette to his left hand and proceeding to exhale in the same direction.

            “Thank you.”

            The two of you return to your silence and he only speaks when he hears the clinking of multiple bottles, eyeing the 6-pack of vodka you’d bought.

            “How many do you plan on drinking?”

            His tone is uninterested, a question spoken more like an afterthought, but you answer anyway.

            “Four maybe? I bought six so..” You shrug and it’s clear you don’t really care for the amount you consume.

            “There a reason you drink?” He asks again and you quirk an eyebrow in his direction. He rolls his eyes.

            “This is what you were looking for isn’t it? To ‘make peace with it’,” he says the expression with a wave of his hand, the cigarette smoke twirling in the air as he did. “I assume you meant _talking_.”

            Your face smooths out as you give him a blank look before looking forward, running your finger over the bottle’s lip as you did.

            “I don’t drink a lot, if that’s your question.” You finally answer. “It’s only when my friend buys vodka or when I’m particularly anxious.”

            He stays silent so you continue to talk.

            “When I got out of C&R’s therapy I stayed with a friend for a while before moving away. There were just too many things in Seoul and… I needed out.”

            You shrugged your shoulders indifferently.

            “That why you read books now?”

            You give him a side-glance but he never once looked your way. You take a gulp of your vodka.

            “Yeah.. There was a lot of remaining anxiety after Mint Eye and therapy, so I stayed away from laptops and phones for some time… Logged out, you could say.”

            You couldn’t even hold a phone without feeling sick as bad memories immediately flooded your brain.

            “Friend made me find a therapist. Somewhere along the process of getting away, I ended up in Hoegiyeog. I’ve stayed there in an apartment ever since, my roommate’s the same person who suggested I come here.”

            When he gave no response you took it as your turn.

            “So what’s with the sky?”

            Your question prompts him to turn and give you a raised eyebrow.

            “Earlier, you raised your hand up like you were reaching for it.”

            His brows furrow and his mouth briefly sets into a frown before he looks away.   

            “…It felt closer there. Closer than usual, anyway,” the last part is said in a mumble, the words barely passing his cigarette-lit lips. “’s nice.”

            His face betrays nothing as he speaks, even as you scrutinize his face in the dim alley.

            You look up but you’re not really sure what you were expecting.

            The sky is as distant as ever, and the lights of the city block the twinkle of the stars.

            “So why do you know so much about flowers?”

            Interestingly enough, he seems to both tense and soften at the question. You pay special attention to his actions.

            His face, though frowning, is thoughtful.

            Finally, he sighs, and his cigarette is finished.

            “I really liked flowers as a kid… There was a garden at the back of the church back where I lived, and they were something. My-” His face scrunches up here, though whether in contemplation or annoyance, you can’t tell. “- _guardian_ -“ his voice is unsure but he seems to realize its right after he says it. “ –gave me an encyclopedia on flowers.”

            “After Sunday school I’d read as much as I could about flowers… Never really stopped liking them, I guess.”

            The comment catches you attention.

            Mint Eye had an admittedly gorgeous garden on its grounds, so it struck you as weird how he never went to see them. Or at least, you’ve never seen him visit the garden.

            You remember the cigarette butts that’d litter certain areas of the ground outside Magenta.

            “Got a favorite flower?” You suddenly ask, and he stares at you for a short while.

            His lighter briefly banishes the shadows across his eyes.

            “..Lily of the valley.”

            You ponder on the name’s familiarity before realization strikes.

            “The small bluebell-looking flower? Small and round?”

            He jerks his head in response.

            You find it a bit odd considering his reaction to it earlier, but he did look somewhat peaceful as he looked at it. Before you arrived, anyway.

            Besides, you weren’t anyone to judge.

            “That’s cool. My favorite flower’s the mimosa pudica.”

            He gives you a blank look, one you return.

            “Mimosa pudica? Shy plant? Bashful plant? …Touch-me-not- do you not know what flower I’m talking about??”

            He scoffs at the bewildered look you direct towards him.    

            “Of course I know what plant that is, just didn’t expect it.”

            “So what did you expect??”

            He’s silent but shrugs a moment after.

            “Wo~w, okay,” Your tone is dripping with sarcasm and you give him a frown.

            You huff a moment later.

            “Whatever man, I just think they’re cool.”

            A swig of your drink.

            “I mean, yeah, people look at flowers for its beauty and fragrance and whatnot but I really like the mimosa pudica cause it _responds_ , you know? Like it doesn’t just sit there and look pretty you can touch it and it’d be like, ‘Oh no! I’ve been touched!!!’ and close up. That’s a big mood.”

            You’re rambling. How many drinks have you had already?

            The bottle next to your first tells you you’re on your third.

            He puffs a smoke in your direction, smirking at the scowl and indignant ‘Hey!!’ you send his way.

            “What have you been doing after you got out anyway?” Your face is still set in a frown when you speak, hand waving the smoke out of your area. “You’re probably staying with your brother, right?”

            The smirk disappears from his features, set back into a blank expression.

            Just when you think you’ve pushed into a territory you shouldn’t have, he sighs.

Big and heavy.

            “I am. He forced me to stay with him at the house he lives in with his wife. I preferred staying in the hospital at first, but now…”

            He rakes his hand through his hair, an exhale leaving his nose.

            “He broke me out of the hospital. Knocked me out when he did.”

            You solemnly think his words over, ignoring the grumble in his words.

            “He probably did it for a good reason, right?”

            Your voice is soft when you speak and he turns to you with a frown.

            You turn to meet his eyes.

            “I mean, I don’t know a whole lot about you guys. Hell I don’t even know your name.” You sigh. _Unknown_. That’s what he’s called, but you don’t want to risk reopening any traumas that name might come with. “But from what I saw when he visited, he seemed really shaken up. So he probably cares for you a lot.”

            You don’t know how long the two of you stared at each other but finally, you turn away.

You can’t read the expression in his eyes.

            “That’s more than what I’ve got, I mean… I don’t know what you went through to get yourself involved in the Mint Eye, but you probably know why I even responded to your texts in the first place.”

            You knew the process that underwent picking a tester. You were Tester 01, after all, the chosen-tester turned assistant due to your stubbornness.

            Your hand rubbed the center of your chest.

            “I was kicked out. Got nowhere to go, all cause I got a tattoo.”

            You eye his right shoulder, covered by the long sleeve of his shirt. You’d only seen his tattoo in full once, and it stretched all the way to his elbow.

            You turned away.

            “..I am thankful he did, in a way.”

            His voice is quiet when he speaks. You dare not make a noise.

            “He moved me away cause he didn’t want me high on some other drug right after I got over the elixir. I made more progress with the RFA than I ever could’ve in the hospital, I guess.”

            You wait and when he speaks no more, you open your mouth.

            “Hey, do you-“

            “Saeran.”

            You shoot him a curious look, but his face is clear.

            “..Saeran.”

            He nods his head in confirmation, and you realize it’s his name.

            It’s a bizarre feeling, to only find out his name now.

But it’s not like you ever expected to meet him after the whole cult-drugging fiasco, anyway.

            “Saeran…” The name is foreign on your tongue. “..Do you still have your tattoo?”

            He puffs a smoke.

            “Hm.” The hum is accompanied by the miniscule shrug of his shoulder.

            “You know, it’s funny.” You abruptly chuckle. “I never would’ve thought I’d see you again a year ago. I’m surprised we’re even talking like this right now.”

            Another hum.

            “When we were still in Mint Eye, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.” Your voice was barely above a whisper. “The atmosphere was so oppressive I felt that I couldn’t make a mistake. When I found out about the elixir, it only got worse…”

            “You were pretty bad company, not gonna lie. There were times when your personality fluctuated so much I didn’t know _who_ you were,” Your laugh was weak and fragile, as if it would break. You try to reign in your emotions. “But staying in that office was way better than having to go outside and meet the other believers and… _her_.”

            A heavy silence falls between the two of you, the implication of who ‘ _her’_ was hanging in the air.

            “The elixir was pretty shit, too. It felt like I was going to die and-“ Your voice wavers and you force it to steady. “-it was just- _crap_.” You sigh and rake a hand through your hair.

            “I don’t know why I’m telling _you_ about the elixir since you’ve definitely had it worse than me, but… It was so shitty, having to stalk other candidates like that. I kept thinking of ways I could slow down the progress but every time I even thought of acting on it I’d get so anxious and end up doing nothing.” Despite your efforts, your voice wavers. “I’d worried about the elixir, and I kept my head down as long as possible but it still came and…”

            The air heats up with your heavy breaths and the bottle feels as if it’d crack under your tight grip. The alley’s dingy, grimy wall and the darkness blur together. Your chest _squeezes_ and _you can’t breathe_ \- HAH-

            A sharp breathe as a tear rolls down your cheek.

            “It was _shit_ …” Your voice trembles at the words. “Spying, the elixir, Mint Eye, everything was _shit_ …” You wipe the tear from your chin.

            “But if anything, I’m just glad we got out of there.” Your voice is a bit nasally but you push through it, discreetly sniffling. “We’ve gotten this far, right? It’s been a year. Things are still kinda shit but we’re better.”

“We’ll _be_ better.”

            Your voice is low but not lacking in conviction, and just saying that, with the company you have now, you _know_ the two of you will make it.

As long as the two of you keep trying.

            “…I really want to thank you for this opportunity. Crap, it’s probably not helping that I’m talking about stuff you might not be over with yet, but it’s something else when you talk about it to someone who understands better than anyone else. Way better than a person who just recently hears about it, anyway.” You mumble the last part. “So… I guess, thanks for letting me hang with you.” Your voice aims for nonchalance but traces of your distress remained.

            You direct your attention back to your vodka, mulling your thoughts over as you’d already said your part.

            There’s way more to your experience than what you’d just said, but you’ve said everything you wanted to say at the moment, and that’s enough.

            You didn’t expect him to reply, so you’re surprised when he does.

            “…I guess I would’ve turned out to be an incredibly different person if I hadn’t grown up under her care.” His voice is low and quiet, prompting you to listen raptly. “I would’ve been much nicer, _kinder_ , learned photography, maybe.” The last part is mumbled.

            “…But that didn’t happen, and I’ve always been dealt shit hands by life.” The smell of tobacco lingers in the air by now and you scrunch your nose when you finally notice it. “It’s shit cause the elixir scrambled my head so much my… _personality_ was almost broken. _Basically_ broken. Thought there was no way to come back from it.”

            “But Saeyoung, that stupid idiot…” His sigh is soft around the name. “…He never gave up on me. He _hasn’t_ given up on me.”

            His words hang in the air, along with the implications that float with it.

            You felt as if the two of you were sharing sleepover secrets under the blanket of the night sky.

            “…Do you want to keep talking? Just stupid things now.”

            “Hm.”

            The hum is your only response.

 

 

            “So… Favorite instrument?”

            “Violin.”

            “Really? I like the piano a lot.”

            The conversation had long since turned to much lighter topics, but something had definitely changed.

            Maybe it was just you, but it felt like the atmosphere lifted after your talk, more comfortable.

            “Hm.”

            A hum is the same as a question with him.

            “It can make awesome music, and it’s really nice… It’s gentle, but it can still get really intense. You?”

            “…Violins are usually… intense, in a way. …I like that.”

            You crack a smile at his dorky explanation.

            “Violin solos are usually jumpy and passionate, aren’t they?” The tone you don is lightly teasing. “…Guess that does fit you.”

            The look he gives you is mildly exasperated.

            “..Say, do you actually _like_ smoking?”

            “...Takes the edge off.”

            “Huh.”

            You tip your bottle up for a drink but frown when it’s completely drained.

            You sigh.

            “Hey, what time is it?”

            Minute shuffling sounds before a burst of bright light emanates from your left.

            “…2 AM.”

            Your head whips to him, your eyes wide with shock.

            “Damn, already?!”

            He grunts in response.

            You groan loudly.

            “Ah, man. I guess it’s about time, too.”

            You throw a pointed look at your empty vodka bottles.

            …You were more than just a little tipsy at this point.

            Finally, you force yourself to stand with a sigh.

            “Alright, it’s late enough. Thanks for the talk, I really enjoyed it.”

            He hums in response and you bag your remaining vodka, the two bottles loudly clinking in your wake.

 

            Though you’d already grown used to the alley’s musty air, it was nice to inhale new air that wasn’t tinged with the smell of cigarette smoke.

            Three blocks down and an unsettling feeling weighs on your core.

            You’d spent enough time in Mint Eye to recognize the feeling, and fuck you just hoped this wasn’t the case.

            Your pace and heart speed up as you avoid passing near dimly lit areas.

            Another three blocks and the feeling doesn’t cease.

            The creeping feeling in your stomach has sobered you up by now.

 

            “ _Okay, fuck, I’ll probably regret this but if it’s a rapist or a robber it’d be better if I knew what they looked like._ ”

            And with that thought, you suddenly raise your voice.

            “Hello? Anyone watching me?”

            “ _Man that’s a stupid question, of course someone’s watching me!_ ”

            No response, as to be expected.

            You grit your teeth, fists clenching.

            “Saeran? That you?? If you’re gonna walk me home you might as well walk by my side, I’m armed..”

            Announcing you were armed probably wasn’t a good idea. Shit, everything about this situation was bad!

            Your voice raises, enough to catch attention if need be.

            “You have five seconds to either show yourself or leave!!”

            You probably haven’t been this tense since Mint Eye and your heart beats loudly in your ears.

            “5..”

            Your grip on the bottles tighten, considering the possibility of using them as weapons.

            “4…”

            Darkness eclipses your body and your heart freezes as you whirl around to face them.

            Your breath hitches as your vision and brain cloud over.

            Memories, harsh and painful, tear through your brain.

 

            “…?”

            A pale color blocks your view of the intimidating figure, and you only realize now that you’d started to hyperventilate.

            “…ey… ..ap… it…!”

            You close your eyes, forcing yourself to regulate your breathing before it got any worse.

            Tears accompany your ragged breathing.

            The buzzing in your ears disappear.

            “…Snap out of it!”

            Your eyes shoot open as you stare up at the figure hunched over you, reflective, golden eyes staring into yours.

            They look worried.

            Your sigh breaks the atmosphere.

            “ _Goddamit_ Saeran!” Your hand slaps the ground as your other rushes to cover your face. “Don’t _scare_ me like that…” Your voice is weak and it trembles.

            You don’t see the troubled expression on his face.

            “…Sorry.”

            You sigh, roughly raking a hand through your hair.

            “ _Fine_. I’ll be _fine_. Just.. give me time.”

            Time creeps by and you don’t know how long you crouch there, breathing into your knees before heaving another sigh.

            He shoots you a concerned look.

            When your head lifts you momentarily stare at his face- lit up by the light of his phone screen- before standing up.       

            You finally speak when you dust your pants off.

            “…When someone’s having an attack, don’t tell them to snap out of it.”

            He averts his eyes and says nothing, but appears to be ashamed.

            “You… okay, now?”                 

            “Yeah, I’m fine.” _But in that moment you looked exactly like-_

You grimly shut down that line of thinking before it gets anywhere.

 

            It takes you a full spin around before realizing Saeran’s holding your alcohol.

            “Thanks for waiting..” You mumble, hand reaching for the bag.

            A bird tweets somewhere nearby.

           

            …

           

            “Uh, Saeran?”

            You give him a curious look.

            His expression remains blank.

            “…You can give me that now.”

            When he makes no move to hand it over you finally retrieve your hand.

            “…Hey.”

            Finally, he looks away, mumbling something.

            Your deadpan expression could burn through his head.

            “…I can’t hear you.”

            He faces forward but avoids looking at you.

            “Let me carry it. …Sorry.”

            You continue to stare a few moments longer then sigh, your face mildly amused.

            “Alright… Thanks.”

            He jerks his head up and you finally move down the street, feeling a bit safer knowing you weren’t alone.

 

            “…What had you smoking in an alley at 8 pm anyway?”

            “Probably the same reason that had you drinking in an alley at 8 pm..”

            “Anxiety.”  
            “Insomnia.”

            “Ah.”

 

            The silence is comfortable.

 

            “…Want to.. go get lunch together?”

            A raised eyebrow.

            “…You mean brunch?”

            “No, lunch. It isn’t brunch anymore cause you skipped breakfast and its already lunch time. So, lunch.”

            “…I don’t think so..~”

            His voice lilts up in a teasing manner, in a way you haven’t heard in a year.

            But instead of the creepy tone it usually accompanies, this one actually makes you smile.

            “You think you’re right?”

            “Wanna bet?”

 

 

 

            “…I don’t know how to gamble.”

            He lightly bumps your shoulder.

            “Shut up, I don’t know either.”

 

 

            Low pop tunes drift through the air of the small eatery, a nice enough meeting place near the bus station.

            The cartoony clock’s hands read 1:14 pm and Saeran’s reminded of just how late he went to bed yesterday. He wasn’t exhausted from just the trip but also from meeting you.

            You weren’t a person he ever thought he’d meet again…

            “Hey…”

            The quiet voice comes from a distance, but it’s loud enough for him to hear.

            He finds you at a table in the middle of the diner when he turns towards its direction.       

            You wave a hand at him with a small smile as he walks over.

            “Hey, slept well?”

            “Not any different from usual.”

            He notices the empty plate in front of you as he rolled his neck.

            Your smile is small and sheepish as you hand him the menu.

            “Got hungry. Arrived here at 12:42.”

            He turns his attention to the menu.

            “I had the Pancakes & Egg deal. The food here’s pretty good.”

            His eyes skim over your choice meal, one that stood among the lower priced meals on the menu.

           You wave a waitress over.

            “Hello, welcome to The Timeless Diner! May I take your order?”

            “Uh, vegetable omelet with tofu.”

            “Okay sir. Is that all?”

            “Yeah, thanks..”

            “Your order will be ready in 15 minutes.”

            The girl leaves with a quick bow.

            “Wo~w, that’s some breakfast you’re ordering.”

            “What’s so special about it?”

            “An omelet? _And_ tofu?”

            He rolls his eyes but you know it’s not too genuine.

            Before you can think up of another conversation topic, his phone buzzes and you leave him to do his own thing.

 

 

**_1:18_ **

_Saeran, have you eaten yet?_

**_1:18_ **

_I’m fine._

**_1:19_ **

_Eating out._

**_1:19_ **

_:ooo_

**_1:19_ **

_Is it good??_

**_1:19_ **

_Myung-Hee says hello btw!_

**_1:19_ **

_Hasn’t arrived yet._

**_1:19_ **

_…hi_

**_1:19_ **

_Are you still with the former believer?_

**_1:20_ **

_…yes_

**_1:21_ **

_Saeran??_

**_1:21_ **

_I’m fine._

**_1:21_ **

_Are you sure you’re okay??_

**_1:21_ **

_trust me_

**_1:22_ **

_…_

**_1:22_ **

_I trust you_

**_1:23_ **

_Thank you_

            His phone buzzes again, though this time from a chatroom.

           

~~~

**_Saeran has entered the chatroom_ **

**_Yoosung_ **

_My mom said she’s decreasing my allowance until I get good grade T_T_

**_Jaehee_ **

_Maybe that’s for the better…_

**_Jaehee_ **

_Hello Saeran._

**_Yoosung_ **

_[ooh emoji]_

**_Yoosung_ **

_Saeran!_

**_Saeran_ **

_Hi_

**_Yoosung_ **

_You’re here!_

**_Yoosung_ **

_That means you’ve gone to the garden already, right?_

**_Yoosung_ **

_How was it??_

**_Jaehee_ **

_It looked very beautiful from the pictures._

**_Saeran_ **

_It’s really pretty…_

**_Saeran_ **

_Has a lot more variety than I thought_

**_Yoosung_ **

_That’s great!_

**_Yoosung_ **

_But what are you doing now?_

**_Saeran_ **

_What was that about your mom decreasing your allowance?_

**_Jaehee_ **

_…_

**_Yoosung_ **

_Oh, I didn’t study for an important test_

**_Yoosung_ **

_So I have to retake it;;_

**_Yoosung_ **

_[crying emoji]_

**_MC has entered the chatroom_ **

**_Yoosung_ **

_!!!!_

**_Yoosung_ **

_MC!!_

**_Jaehee_ **

_Good afternoon, MC._

**_MC_ **

_Hello! ^^_

**_MC_ **

_Oh, Saeran’s online!_

**_Saeran_ **

_Hey_

**_Saeran_ **

_How’s the trip been?_

**_Saeran_ **

_It’s been nice.._

**_MC_ **

_Good to hear ^^_

**_Yoosung_ **

_MC…. Hear this…_

**_Jaehee_ **

_[sighing emoji]_

**_Jaehee_ **

_I must get back to work._

**_Yoosung_ **

_I failed this important test and my mom got mad and called me T_T_

**_MC_ **

_Bye Jaehee!_

**_Saeran_ **

_Bye_

**_Jaehee_ **

_Goodbye._

**_Yoosung_ **

_And she decreased my allowance!_

**_MC_ **

_Oh Yoosung…_

**_MC_ **

_She must have had your best interest in mind.._

**_Yoosung_ **

_[crying emoji]_

**_Yoosung_ **

_Yeah, I know you’re right…_

**_Yoosung_ **

_But this LOLOL event is coming up and I really needed the cash;;_

~~~

 

            His phone buzzes so much that he considers turning it off.

            “Uh, is that… the chatroom..?

            He turns to you with an unreadable expression and you feel a bit of stupid for asking that question.

            Confidential organization, right.

            “Sorry, you don’t have to answer.”

            “They’re noisy.”

            You blink at his answer but his face gives nothing away.

            Moments pass before you minutely shrug.

            “Wouldn’t be the RFA if they weren’t rowdy, I suppose.”

            He looks away at your response.

 

 

            “So… Do you still h-ough cough.” You interrupt the last word with a cough.

            Telling the world that your current companion used to hack probably isn’t the brightest of ideas, especially since you only realized how hard and secretive hackers have to be in real life after the Mint Eye.

            Thankfully, he gets what you’re trying to say.

            “Not anymore.” He says, and you nod your head in understanding. “…But there were times early on when I would, trying to reassemble what was left of it.”

            You remain silent.

            After last night’s bonding session he seemed to have opened up to you more, even just a little bit.

            It’s a nice feeling.

            “..I’m not actually sure what to do with my tattoo.”

            His sudden remark surprises you.

            It takes a second for you to realize what he means.

            “…You don’t have to do anything about it now, you know.”

            Your voice is slow and calm, not eager to speak when Saeran’s willing to share.

            He seems to consider your reply.

            “Back then I thought I was proving myself faithful with the tattoo. _Eternal paradise_ would never fall, is what the me of the past thought..” You discreetly watch him from the corner of your eye. It’s hard to see anything from this view, but his eyes are clouded and distracted. “…Now it’s just a reminder.”

            You regard him carefully as the two of you continue to walk.

            You’d returned to The Garden of Morning Calm around 2 in the afternoon and were strolling around, enjoying the scenery as you talked.

            After passing through the very end of the garden- the part where the Gift Shop and the Tea House were located- you moved to the Morningcalm Walk, heading towards the Road to Heaven.

            …A funny name, considering the previous circumstance the two of you had been in.

            “You could get another tattoo to cover it up. Flowers, maybe.”

            He turns to you at your suggestion, his mouth opening but no words coming out.

            “It’s your choice, just a suggestion.”

            His lips press into a line once more.

            “Hm.”

            You turn your attention back to the new road, figuring he’s done speaking.

            The road is sleek with bright, colorful flowers lining the path, making you feel its serenity to the deepest corners of your soul.

            The two of you pause at the crossroad.

            “…Want to go to Heaven Garden?” You ask, and the implication’s heavy.

            Heaven and paradise, two words that have come a long way with the two of you, none of them being pleasant memories... Even now, the stigma on the word remains. But it’s harmless in this garden.

            Serene, even.

            The irony strikes hard.

            He sighs, his eyes closing for a brief moment as he did.

            “..Sure.”

            The walk is silent and no one looking at either of your faces would be able to tell what the two of you were thinking.

            Heaven Garden is a small display in the middle of a road filled with bright colors and you pause to take it in.

            Magenta, yellow, pink…

            The colors are similar to the flowers in the garden, too..

            You notice him approach the flowers, crouching down and carefully examining a bud as it grew close to another.

            Like twins.

            Moments pass before he stands back up and walks past the display, heading up towards the Moonlight Garden.

            You don’t protest, following him wordlessly.

            A white chapel-like building can be seen in the distance with small, white flowers on the ground before it. It wasn’t as bright as the other sections of the garden, but this place held it’s own charm, one you acknowledged.

            While Saeran went off to one side, you stayed by the building.

            You crouch and stare at the bright, yellow and white potted flowers surrounding the building, examining the delicate curve of each petal and how it connects to its center before moving on to the next.

            They’re beautiful.

            The entire garden is gorgeous, really. It’s a shame you could only stay for two days.

            “Must be prettier at night..” He mumbles, somewhere closer to you, and you huff a laugh.

            “Yeah. But it closes at 4 and we were pretty busy last night, too. It’s a shame I’m going back tonight.” Your reply is absentminded, casual. “Maybe we’ll get to see it next time.”

            You don’t notice the odd look he sends your way.

            “…Why haven’t you been getting the things you want?”

            His question surprises you and the confusion is clear in your voice.

            “What?”

            When you look at him you find that he’s staring at the sky, and at the rolling clouds that rove its expanse.

            Looking up from here, you think you understand what he means by the proximity of the sky.

            “You looked like you wanted a few things from the places we passed but did nothing. Why?”

            You’re silent, thinking your answer over for a while.

            In this quiet place with only Saeran and nature for company, the sky really was close.

            The clouds blended together in a masterful, artistic way with varying shades to fit the sky. When you stare hard enough, you can see how the clouds inch across the sky, slowly but getting to their destination around the world.

            …It really reminds you of how the world goes on even when you’re down.

            “…I’m strapped for cash. I’m not a beggar or anything, but I don’t have the best paying job there is and I can’t afford much. I’m fine with it, though.” A sudden urge overcomes you and you reach for the sky.

            Your breath stops as you compare your hand to the sky, noting how small your hand is to its massive expanse.

            You’re once again reminded of how small you truly are in the grand game of life.

            ..But maybe that’s fine, too.

            “..I’ll be fine even without the things I want. I’ll get better, and I’ll work things out from there.”

            You bring your hand back but the sky is just as far as it was when you had raised it, causing you to stare at it with reverence.

            The sky looks so close yet it’s actually so far away…

            He says nothing more on the matter and the two of you spend the rest of the time in silence.

 

 

            The subway is packed with tourists coming to and fro, causing you to clutch your backpack close to yourself and watch as your breath materialized in the air.

            It hadn’t been that cold lately but the temperature suddenly dropped that evening.

            “Hey, I appreciate you walking me here. Thanks a lot.” You say as you turn to your companion, a man with brightly colored red hair. Saeran, his name was.

            He hums in response, eyes looking at the subway map.

            He wasn’t leaving, not yet anyway.

            Simply sending you off.

 

            The two of you spent some more time together after leaving the garden before Saeran decided he’d be accompanying you to the station, which you thought was nice of him.

            It had no doubt been a weird trip. From trying to get away to deal with your anxiety and stress then meeting one of the said sources of anxiety and stress in the past.

            He’s changed now, though. And he’s changed _a lot_.

            You’d like to think that this was beneficial to the both of you.

            Sooner than you would have liked, the warning for an incoming train rings through the speakers and people shuffle towards the areas marked with arrows.

            “…I had fun these past two days.”

            Finally, he turns to look at you. His eyes say nothing, truly empty.

            “And thanks. Really. This whole thing means a lot.”

            The sound of the train whizzing by as it slows fills the station.

            Bright, golden eyes that almost seem to glow assess you and you stare right back, though you feel nothing at the moment.

            Maybe… Fatigue?

            Then he nods his head.

            “It’s been nice..”

            A small smile cracks on your face.

            “Alright, so.. See you.”

            He nods once again and you finally turn away, moving towards the train.

 

            …Except you feel like you’ll regret it if you don’t ask now.

            You whirl around to him, surprising him by the call of his name.

            “Saeran.”

            He raises an eyebrow. He had just started to turn away.

            “I know we aren’t exactly friends yet but I enjoy talking to you. And.. It’s nice to know someone who knows. Would you like to swap numbers?”

            The crowds have thinned out, you’re running out of time.

            He seems to take that into consideration as he thinks.

            “..Okay.”

            Your smile is bigger this time, a small thrill of happiness running through you as you hand over your phone.

            It doesn’t take long to swap numbers, a mere second in fact, and when he returns your phone you notice that he’d set his name under ‘Saeran’.

            Now, you nod your head with finality, phone gently being inserted into your pocket.

            “Bye, talk whenever.”

            He returns the nod and you turn back to the train, making a run for the doors.

            “Talk whenever…”

            The train gives a warning cry right after you get in and you turn around, sending him a small wave as the train starts to move from the station.

            He sends a nod of acknowledgement back and then you’re gone from his sight.

            The station is only a little bit emptier than it had been when you were still here, but he can still feel your presence.

            …Maybe it’ll be a big help to have someone who understands.

 

 

 

 

 

**_21:22_ **

_So… any updates?_

**_21:22_ **

_They already left_

**_21:22_ **

_yeah??_

**_21:23_ **

_By the way, who were they?_

**_21:23_ **

_…Former assistant_

**_21:23_ **

_You had an assistant_

**_21:23_ **

_yeah_

**_21:23_ **

_…_

**_21:23_ **

_So they know about the RFA?_

**_21:24_ **

_…_

**_21:25_ **

_Saeran._

**_21:25_ **

_They know it’s confidential._

**_21:25_ **

_They could still leak something Saeran. They’re not with us._

**_21:25_ **

_They won’t._

**_21:26_ **

_And you’re so sure?_

**_21:26_ **

_…yeah_

**_21:26_ **

_…fine._

**_21:26_ **

_Just remember this is for the security of the RFA…_

**_21:27_ **

_…_

**_21:27_ **

_I know._


End file.
